Sunday, October 30, 2005

Another weekend almost over....

This is usually my favorite weekend of the year, since I get that extra hour of sleep Sunday morning. But Saturday night, our Jack Russell terrier started fussing and whining to get out of her crate and hubby let her sleep in the bed with us. I woke up about 4:30 AM with the dog asleep on my back - very uncomfortable. So I feel like I've been awake FOREVER today. I hate getting up too early. I was all groggy from the Lunesta I'd taken the night before, too. I kept yawning in church, which was sort of embarrassing. October is Stewardship month in our church, the month when they try to guilt everyone in to increasing the amount they put in the collection plate each week. We had a guest speaker instead of our regular pastor, and he was *totally* into his sermon today. Our regular guy is pretty laid back, but this guy - whew, was he excited.

Hubby's taken a job out of town again, so here I am, alone with the kid and two dogs (he took the Jack Russell with him today). It's so scary here at night when he's gone. Every little noise has me jumping out of my skin. I hate this house - it's just so creepy here sometimes. I don't know why - maybe I'm just crazy. We had someone break in once about 11 years ago, and I never really got over it. We've got an alarm installed, but now the damn back door won't close all the way, so I can't even set the stupid alarm. Good thing I have a German Shepherd and a gun. Of the two, I think the dog is more useful - I know if anyone did come in, all I have to do is let the dog loose and the bad guy is, well, dog food. The dog is getting on in years - she's almost 11 - but she is still very protective and she has all of her teeth ;-)

I forgot to set my alarm clock back, and took my night-time pills an hour too early. It is becoming increasingly difficult to type - I keep having to backspace over random typoes in every sentence. So I guess now is a good time to sign off...if you haven't set your clock back, do it now, or you're gonna be an hour early for work...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Bi-polar? I don't think so!

I never really accepted the bi-polar diagnosis, and finally got fed up with all the pills and their side effects. I've always tended to be depressed, and both times I tried SSRI's, they made me worse instead of better. I've tried Paxil, Luvox, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Effexor, and I don't even remember how many others. I had side effects ranging from sleeping 14 hours a day to paranoia and finally the bi-polar diagnosis. Since I weaned off all the meds, I've been doing great, just my usual vaguely depressed self, no mania at all. If I was really bi-polar, I think I would have had some sort of meltdown off meds, instead of only when on meds. I really think it's the SSRI's that made me crazy (Luvox had me thinking people were following me to work and that my hubby was poisoning my food!).

I've had a lot of stomach trouble, especially since I had my gallbladder out a few weeks ago, and one of the meds they prescribed for nausea is one of the old tricyclics, Elavil. You know what? I've never felt better in my entire life! I go to sleep early, I wake up before the clock goes off, I'm not manic, I'm not depressed, I've lost weight - it's great. I'm still bitchy & all, but that's just me. The stomach doctor wants to talk about getting off some of the pills in two months - there's no way I'm going to let him take away my Elavil! The only side effect has been occasionally leaky nipples (gross), but I was getting that from all the psych meds I was taking before. Other than that, it's been just great.

Ugh, barf....

I seem to complain an awful lot about stink, don't I? Well, I got a new one today, and boy howdy, is it foul. The landscapers here at work spread new mulch and fertilizer yesterday. It must have a lot of not-fully-composted manure in it - it smells like a mixture of shit and puke. I'm on the freakin' third floor, and it smells like a dead cow's ass in here. Not that I've ever actually smelled a dead cow's ass (unless you count eating at McDonald's), but I like to go for vivid imagery. It's such a treat now to go out to the garage for a smoke...cigarettes, manure and exhaust fumes from the freeway - that's Texas for ya. I can't wait to move out of the city - I'd like my manure and cigarettes untainted by exhaust fumes ;-)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Will this day never end?

For some reason, this day is just dragging on and on. Every time I look at the clock, I'm amazed to find that only 5-6 minutes have passed, instead of the 20 minutes I expected. I just want to go home and go to sleep. I've been waking up too early and not able to go back to sleep, which sucks. Hubby is out of town again, so I have to sleep by myself, which also sucks. Last night I kept trying to snuggle up to a guy that wasn't there, and only stopped because I had scooted all the way to the edge of his side of the bed. One more snuggle attempt, and I'd have been on the floor.

The autosurf thing has been going really well. I started with 12 dollars, and now I have almost $60, with very little effort on my part. I just log in after I get up, click a button, and the surfing happens while I'm brushing my teeth. Signing up hasn't increased the amount of spam I get, nor have I collected any spyware or other nasties. I just hope the program I'm in sticks around for a while. According to my research, there are an awful lot of bad autosurfs out there. The one I'm using, though, has paid me early every time. I wish I was brave enough to risk more money, but I'm just too chicken to do it.

Friday, October 14, 2005

On the verge of going postal at work....

The reign of olfactory terror is back on with a vengeance. I finally had to complain to HR. The reek of BenGay is just killing me - it's strong enough to make my eyes burn, and really exacerbates my nausea. I can't keep going home ill just because some programmer has to lube himself up with this noxious goo several times a day. HR says somebody will talk to the guy soon. Surely there is something at Walgreens that does the same thing without the stench.

My boss took the news of the failed project better than I'd expected. So now it is totally not my problem - somebody else gets to fix the mess (hooray!). Of course, now I have to go back and do all the stuff that's been on hold while I worked on this stupid project, so I have a huge backlog of crap to deal with. Oh well, at least I get paid.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Sometimes work sucks....

I know I shouldn't blog about work in any detail, but I have to bitch, so I'll just say that software development sucks sometimes. My project died today - it's just not technically feasible. It didn't take much math to extrapolate from tests with small data files - the typical files that the customer will be using will take about 9 months to process. Damn, damn, was just getting interesting, too. I am gonna hate sitting down and explaining to my boss why this just won't work no matter how much more time I spend on it.

It's so gloomy here today

It's dark and gray and raining now - started raining just as my kid left for the bus. Too bad he's too cool to wear a raincoat or carry and umbrella. No, there's much more coolness in arriving at school shivering and dripping wet. He was pissed about going to school today anyway - it was supposed to be a holiday, but they are making up days they missed for Hurricane Rita, so off to school he went.

Today (well, yesterday, actually) was my 10-year hiring anniversary. I can't believe I've been working at the same place for almost 1/4 of my life. As usual, this will pass completely unnoticed by anyone I work for. Oh well - as a long as they remember me on payday, I guess I don't really care!

We've decided to not move to Louisiana. Hubby's out looking for a new job right now. It's just too messed up over there for us to want to live there. I am *so* relieved - I really didn't want to go there at all, and the hurricane just reinforced that. Oh well, not much else to ramble on about. Better get back to work....

Saturday, October 08, 2005

OK, I finally did it...

I finally installed the FireFox browser - wow. I can't believe how much I like it. I thought the whole tabbed browsing thing was going to be something I didn't bother with, but now I can't live without it. Very cool. If you aren't using it already, I highly recommend it.

I've been experimenting with various ways of making cash online. In the absence of a product or service to sell, this has been a bit of a challenge, but I've made a little chunk of change with an autosurf site. I'm gonna let the experiment run for a while, and if things go well, I'll post my results and affiliate links for anyone who's interested. There's a lot of sites like this out there that seem sort of scammy, but the one I'm currently using has been really consistent in their payouts and very responsive to any and all issues I've had. Hopefully, I'll have good news to report soon - wish me luck!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Not so good today...

I didn't last an hour at work today before the nausea sent me back home. My super anti-nausea pills did not do the trick this morning. This is really starting to suck badly - I've missed so much work, I'm worried about getting fired. Not that anybody's said anything, but it makes me paranoid.

I had an endoscopy on Monday, and got to see pictures of the inside of my stomach - gross. I have something called gastroparesis, which basically means "weak stomach". Apparently, my stomach no longer contracts well (they can't say why). When I had the exam, the food I'd eaten 14 hours earlier was still in my stomach - that's why I get so nauseated. My food is basically rotting in my stomach, and most of my digesting is done by stomach acid and gravity, instead of by the muscular action of my stomach. So now I have a liquid diet (Ensure is revolting, by the way) and surprise - more pills. At least I know what's wrong, even if it's not fixed yet - I can finally quit worrying about stomach cancer. When you are sick, Google is not really your friend, let me tell you.

Hubby's off interviewing at another funeral home out of town, in just the part of Texas we'd like to live in. It will mean another separation again, of course, but at least he'd be back in the funeral biz and I'd no longer be faced with the prospect of moving to a Katrina-ravaged area. My sister's currently living in the town we were planning on moving to, and she says it's just horrible. It's hard to buy food, there's a curfew, businesses aren't open all of their usual hours because they don't have enough employees, traffic is horrid, rent-gouging, and everything smells like rot. Sounds lovely. I think it would be insane to give up my cushy job and 1/2 paid for house to move to a disaster area where there's no work for me. And I think my hubby would be unhappy forever if he gave up on being a funeral director and stayed in fast food mgmt. Even though there's a lot more money in fast food at the moment, I know funeral directing is what he needs to be doing. Wish us luck!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Tinfoil Hat Man!

Today I was in Walgreen's (like nearly every day lately, it seems), and the customer in line in front of me seemed to be attracting a lot of odd looks from people coming into the store. I didn't really notice anything that odd about him at first, except that he was dressed for much cooler weather than we are having today, but then he turned around. I could not believe my eyes. Under his fleece hood, there were several layers of tinfoil. Where the hood gaped a bit at the sides, I could see that he was wearing ear muffs that appeared to be taped to his ears. His *goggles* were also taped to his face, sealing off the area around his eyes. When he reached to get something off a higher shelf, his shirt rode up a bit, and it was obvious that he also had a considerable amount of foil down the front of his pants. It was funny in a sad sort of way - I wonder what he was protecting himself from? Poor guy - I think once you get to the point that you are sealing off multiple orifices with tape and aluminum foil, you probably need to be an inpatient.

He's not the first "colorful" character I've seen around here in the time we've been living on this side of town. There was Walkie-Talkie Man, who spent hours walking up and down a busy 6-lane highway with a large neckbrace on and about 8-10 walkie-talkie radios attached to his belt. Whenever the weather was good, there was a good chance of seeing Walkie-Talkie Man. I haven't seen him in a few years - I hope he's OK. And I will forever wonder just what he was up to.

Much rarer appearances were put in by the Holy Roller. This was a perfectly ordinary looking fellow, except for the fact that he was walking down the same busy six-lane highway with a huge wooden cross on wheels. He hasn't been around for a while - I presume he's atoned for whatever it was that compelled him to perform such a penitent act. At any rate, I do hope he's found some peace, or treatment.

There's a sad old fellow in my neighborhood, too. I think he's got some form of early-onset dementia (he's not all that old), and I'm afraid that his family just leaves him home alone every day. I see him in the street most mornings, and he's stopped me on my way to work a few times to panhandle. Panhandling in my neighborhood - it's not like we live in an urban setting. You don't exactly expect that sort of thing in the 'burbs. If I could figure out which house he lived in, I'd call the authorities - I don't think somebody in that condition should be roaming around the neighborhood unattended.

Feeling whiny today....

I've been nauseated almost constantly for months now. When it started, I blamed food poisoning, and when the pain started, the doctor said it was the gallstones. Well, the pain is gone, but I'm still sick as a dog. The new doctor (gastroenterologist this time) prescribed me some super expensive anti-nausea drug, the kind of stuff they give chemo patients, but my insurance doesn't want to pay for it - the doctor wants me to take it up to 4 times a day, the insurance says I can have 12 pills a month. The doctor had to send some paperwork to the insurance pharmacy review - no telling how long this will take to get an answer.

In addition to feeling like shit all of the time, I have to deal with ANTS in my kitchen. They are everywhere, mostly in the pantry and the sink. I can't find where they are coming in from, but they are such a nuisance. So much as one fork gets left in the sink, and in the morning there's a literal parade of ants on the counter. Young son left the garbage disposal un-run last night, and the ants were swarming in and out of the drain this morning. What a thing to wake up to - totally gross! It seems to be two different kinds of ants - some of them are twice the size of the others. They all have nasty bites, though. Everytime one of us cleans up the ant parade, we get a few bites - my hands look awful.

I have this awful project at work. It is way overdue, and I've just barely started it. My company needs a component to restore large XML files into a database, because the software that created the large XML files as backups can't handle them on restore. I've tried two different methods and I have the same problem - the files are just too damn big. I can parse the file as plain text, but that takes so long - it could take days on some of these files - so that's not any option. So I have to learn all about something called SAX2 (which I can't seem to make any sense of). Oh, and I have to write the stupid thing in VB6. How sucky is that, I ask you? Very sucky, without a doubt.

OK, enough whining. I should take a few moments to remind myself of my many blessings. My sons are healthy, we have a home and cars and jobs. Times are very difficult right now, but there is still so much for which to be thankful. But sometimes I have a hard time remembering that.