Friday, April 29, 2005

Soooo busy

Sorry for no updates this week....been terribly busy. Working late, sick kid, new computer game, etc. My husband showed up at home unexpectedly, too, which was nice. It was just for overnight, but a very nice surprise. Our son is really sick. He was on his last day of antibiotics last Friday when he started running a fever again, and by Tuesday, he had this horrible "chunky" sounding cough that you could hear all over the house. The doctor says its just bronchitis and gave him a different antibiotic. Well, with all the antibiotics, the poor kid has now got the runs, and spends most of his time on the can. He's home from school again today - I think rest is what he needs most.

Last time hubby was home for the weekend, he bought me the new University expansion pack for the Sims 2, so I've been neglecting my housework and pretty much anything that will stand for being neglected, playing this game. I love The Sims. Sometimes I'll create a new Sim who looks like whoever pissed me off that day, and then just torture the poor thing. So I've been torturing "co-workers" all week and learning how to get other Sims to graduate from University.

This weekend we have a big party to go to - my grandfather's 90th birthday. He's so excited about it. It will be such a nice time, I'm sure. My aunt is a great party giver, so I am sure it will be great fun. It's nice to have something to look forward to for a change.

I've been depressed off and on, which is probably what's kept me from posting, but there was one bright spot this week. We've been looking for an apartment for hubby so he has a place to stay while he's out of town working, but just could not fit a whole new household into the budget. One of his co-workers has offered to let him stay with her (she's an old lady, so I'm not worried at all ;-)). I've been praying for some way that he could keep this out-of-town job and this offer just dropped in out of the blue. It's so sweet of her to offer. She doesn't even want to take any money, but we are going to insist - it's only fair. So now we will be able to save up enough money to move when the time comes, which should make our separation shorter. I feel better about things than I have for such a long time.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

A beautiful day

We drove out to hubby's place to spend the day. Of course my son brought the Xbox, as he's not much interested in just sitting around outdoors, but we spent some lovely time just walking around in the grass and sitting on a stone bench. It was really pretty out, lots of sun, sorta windy. I saw the brightest bluejay I've ever seen. Of course, we also spent some quality time indoors . Went out for lunch at a little cafe later, good country cooking, but way too much food. I feel like I may never need to eat again.

The day wasn't all perfect. My son was fine when we left, but starting running a fever when we got almost to his dad's. He didn't each much lunch, either, so I know he's not feeling well - he usually eats like I've been starving him for a week. I foresee much of Monday's long anticipated vacation day spent at the pediatrician's office. On the way home, he started with a phlegmy cough that I just don't like the sound of. Poor little guy - goes practically his whole life without getting sick, and now this so soon after his earache.

While on the way to hubby's, my older son called to let me know that his wife had miscarried. And they'd just found out it was going to be twins, too. They are very sad, but in the long run, it's probably for the best. They've only been married since June, and she hasn't even finished high school. Anyway, she wanted to see her parents, so he'll be in town for a few days and probably come by for a visit - I am so looking forward to seeing him.

I have been really out of sorts lately. Even though I'm going to bed (usually) early enough, I'm still falling asleep at work around 9 and then again in the afternoon. Friday I fell asleep with my hands on the keyboard and drooled all over the front of my shirt (I just hope I didn't snore). I've been depressed off and on, but it's a weird panicky sort of depression. Maybe some sort of dysphoric mania. It comes and goes. When I start flaking out at work, I just short the door and DND the phone so everyone just leaves me alone (just the way I like it). I've been thinking about upping the mood stabilizer for a while, but that usually means I'm also upping the size of my inordinately large ass, something I'd really rather avoid. Weight gain is one of the miserable side effects, and I never had any problem gaining weight before the meds.

Next weekend is hubby's weekend to come home, and we have a big party to go to for my grandfather's 90th birthday. Grandpa's so excited about it - there's no way we can miss it. It will be fun to see some relatives that we hardly ever see, relatives my husband's probably never even met. My parents are supposed to come, and my brother, his new wife and baby - I can't wait to see the baby. I just love babies, especially when I know they belong to somebody else. I like to play with 'em, but I'm too old to start all that baby business again. Hubby's mentioned adopting a few times, but I really don't think I'm ready to start over with another kid, especially a little bitty one. Everybody loves a kitten, but who needs another cat, eh? Not me...

Friday, April 22, 2005

More bad luck this week

I put my car in the shop for what I thought would be a $100 brake job, but it turned out to be over $400. I would have preferred to not spend so much right after the $375 I just spent on the transmission. Feels like a new car now, though, so I guess I can't complain too much. I just love this car. It's a Chrysler Concorde, big and roomy, and it handles like a race car. It is *so* much fun to drive, even if it is a bitch to park.

I was finally getting some work done today when my cell phone rang - uh,'s my son's school. I figured he was in trouble or something (he's a little, shall we say, outspoken), but it was the nurse's office - he's running a fever. This after 10 days on antibiotics for an earache. I expect to get in trouble for leaving work early *again*, but I'm not too worried about it. Let 'em get sick, moms need to leave work. I'll put in some programming time on my vacation day Monday, so it all works out in the end.

We're supposed to go visit hubby tomorrow, but not if the kiddo's still running a fever. We don't want Daddy to get sick. But the kid seems pretty perky despite the fever, so I've got my fingers crossed that we'll still be able to go. I really don't want to miss my weekly booty call ;-)

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


I keep running into small coincidences. Like at the store the other day, the lady in front of me and the lady behind me in line both fussed at kids with the same name as my youngest. One person who reads my blog has a cat with the same name as one of my dogs. Another person who reads it has siblings with the same names as my brother and sister. I've had two calls this week where the person asked for a member of my family, only to find it was a wrong number. Weird, eh? Or is it just weird that I notice such trivia?

Not much point to this post, really. I'm trying to sound busy at work - blogging sounds just like programming if I pause every so often. Shame on me, I know - this is not what I'm getting paid to do. But sometimes I just feel the need to play hooky from work, even if I have to be in the office. I'm still here available to answer questions and run reports, so I guess my presence is worthwhile, even if I'm mainly goofing off this morning. Maybe I'll be more motivated after lunch.

Monday, April 18, 2005

I am losing my mind

I keep forgetting things. Not in the ordinary where-are-my-keys sort of way, but more like losing whole chunks of time. Like the drive to work this morning. I know I drove to work, since I was at the office, but I cannot remember even getting up this morning. My memory for today starts at about 8:45, but I know I got up at 6:30 because my kid got to the bus on time. Saturday when hubby was home I forgot an entire conversation, and I can only take his word that it happened, because whenever it was, that chunk of time is gone. Ten days ago I completely forgot that my sister had visited me the night before. This is very disturbing. I wonder if this is some sort of reaction to the meds. I sure hope it isn't the Xanax - I don't know how I'd get through the day without 'em. I get panic attacks to go along with my bi-polar - just a little bonus, I guess. I forgot my AM meds one morning not too long ago, and it was just terrible. My day was one long panic attack.

We had a real good visit this weekend (at least I think we did - who knows what I've forgotten). Hubby bought me the Sims 2 University, but I haven't had a chance to play it yet. He got me the book to go with it - it sounds like it will be pretty cool. My kid had sleepovers Friday and Saturday, so the house is a complete wreck and we are nearly out of food - I swear sometimes they are more like locusts than boys. I got all the laundry done by Saturday afternoon, except for three things that need ironing. I expect them to hang in the garage indefinitely - there's not much that I'm willing to haul out the ironing board for. I hate doing laundry, except for the folding. I love the feeling of nice warm towels, and the smell of the fabric softener.

I got a card in the mail reminding me to take my German Shepherd to the vet. This is something that hubby usually handles. But I've been working with the dog, and she actually minds me pretty good (after 11 years!). I finally figured out that all I have to do is say "Bad dog" in a disapproving tone and she comes right to me. Of course, that's only been in the house or yard - never out in public. I don't know how well she'll listen with a bunch of distractions, and this dog is 80 pounds of whoop-ass. In the car, though, she thinks she's a tiny puppy, and wants to sit in my lap. This makes driving her to the vet somewhat of a challenge. Wish me luck!

Friday, April 15, 2005

In my happy place today

I got off work early because I have to work from home for a few hours this weekend (when no one is using my database). Just me and the dogs from noon til 3:30. Total silence, as the dogs are quite lazy until someone comes to the door. I need to do a few houseworkish things before hubby gets here (another reason to be happy!) this evening, but right now I'm just enjoying the quiet, and trying hard not to notice all the dust that needs dusting and books that need reshelving and mail that needs sorting and bills that need paying and laundry that needs washing and so on.

I was so glad to get out of the office early. The support manager is on vacation, and since I used to be the support manager, the support techs have been running down to my office for help all week. It was really busy, and I get the impression that some of the folks don't even try to troubleshoot or read the documentation. I don't mind being busy - I just don't like all the interruptions. Half the time I just send 'em back to their desks so they can send me an'd think the hint would have sunk in by now.

I haven't had a cigarette since Tuesday. I posted a notice at work on our internal message board asking everyone to refrain from giving me any cigs, this in the hope that I will now be too embarassed to be caught smoking. So far it's working. I haven't really missed them all that much, which is pretty surprising. Hubby will be here in a few hours and I know he won't let me smoke either, so I'm pretty sure I will make it this time. It really is just the first few days that are the hardest - I know this from the other times I quit (once for seven years! I'm such a dumb ass for ever starting again). Wish me luck!

Monday, April 11, 2005

Overnight visit with hubby!

I got my sister to babysit my dogs over the weekend, so my son and I got a chance to spend Saturday night at hubby's and go to church with him Sunday morning. For some reason, church always makes my son cry, usually when we have hymns that allude to heaven. He starts crying about my sister's dog that died around 6 years ago. At least that's what he tells us...who really knows what is going on in his twelve-year-old head. We had a good visit, despite the tears. Met some of my husband's new friends for lunch at a Dairy Queen, of all places. But it was fun. We'd planned on going to the zoo, but there was rain, so we just hung out at the apartment until it was time to leave. Thank goodness for XBox or we'd have had one seriously bored dude.

While we were coming back from church, my cell phone rang, and it was my older son. He's 19 and married, and just let us know that his 18 YO wife is preggers. She hasn't been to the doctor yet, and I'm halfway hoping that it's just a false alarm - they are in no way ready to be parents. I think my son can handle it - he changed his share of poopie diapers when his brother was a baby, and he knows how to fix a bottle - but I don't think she's ready. Nor am I - I'm only 40. I can't be somebody's GRANDMOTHER! How uncool is that? I am most ungrandmotherly...I wear 6 earrings and a toe ring. I still paint my nails weird colors on occasion. I wear jeans and sandals to work every day, and listen to Insane Clown Posse while I work. I just can't be "Grandma."

This reminds me of the first time I felt "matronly." I was shopping, and some teenage boys about 10 years my junior walked by. One of 'em bumped me, and as they passed, his friends started ragging on him like "Dude, you just bumped into that lady." All of the sudden I was "that lady." Now "Grandma." Bleh. I need some blue nail polish and a margarita (but I'll just have to settle for the meds tonight).

Friday, April 08, 2005

Barfing at work - ugh

I felt queasy when I got up today, but I went to work anyway. I made it til almost 10 before I barfed into my wastebasket. I'm sure my officemates loved me for that. I'm home and in my jammies now. I hope this passes soon - we're supposed to go spend Saturday night with hubby, since I was able to talk my sister into babysitting my dogs.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

My husband surprised me again

I sent him a long email telling him why I felt the way I did about certain things that had to do with our little tiff Saturday morning. It was very hard to send - it's like a secret I've kept from him for our whole marriage, and I just wanted to unburden myself. I had no idea the effect it would have on him. When I called him after work, he was crying so hard he couldn't speak. We tried to talk for a while, but we were both bawling and the connection was terrible, so we hung up. Later, after I'd composed myself and was getting ready to cook dinner, he just walked in the front door. Not a word...he just grabbed me and our son and held us tight for the longest time. The boy finally wiggled free, and then he just held me like I've never been held before. It was the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me. When I saw him coming through that door, it was like a miracle. When he came through that door, it was like something out of a movie - he was 10 feet tall, moving in slow motion - I couldn't believe my eyes. I can't believe he drove all that way and missed a day of work just because he was worried about me. I don't think I knew until then, when his arms were around me so tightly, just how lucky I am. I've known him practically my whole life...he was even an usher at my first wedding (how tacky is that, I ask you). He babysat for me after I was divorced, we became best friends, I found out that he'd lusted after me all through high school (I'm a little older, so I wouldn't have given him a second look then), and finally we married. It's almost 15 years now, and it has not always been easy, but it has all been worth it. Except for not doing housework or being handy around the house, he's the perfect husband. He changed poopie diapers (he can't clean puke, though), he takes care of me when I'm sick, and he tells me he loves me a dozen times a day. He calls me silly names and plays with my hair, even though he knows it drives me crazy. He lets me have the remote. When we stay at a hotel, he always lets me have the best pillow. I think I could write all night about the million little things that I've just taken for granted over the years. I feel like I just fell in love all over again...and it's making me a little manic, if this rambling post is any indicator. Better go take some pills :-)

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I can't concentrate at all today

I'm supposed to be working right this minute, but I can't seem to concentrate on my code. Good thing writing in the blog sounds just like working ;-)

I have been struggling to concentrate since I woke up this morning, but it's just not happening for me today. I seem to be actively looking for distractions for some reason. I know I have a deadline that is going to be almost impossible to meet, but here I am, just farting around. The whole day has been like this. I can't focus, my head feels "fuzzy", and I'm really tired. And bored. Usually I like my work, but today it is just boring. Oh, and one of my very best work friends just told me that she's given her two-week notice 'coz she found a job that pays more closer to home. I can't blame her, though - if I had to drive 40+ miles to get here, I'd look for another job too. I love my 5 mile commute.

I can't wait to get home and get my day over with. All I want is my jammies and the remote. Well, that and my husband, but I won't get to see him until the weekend. It's my weekend to visit him - I'm thinking about maybe making it an over-nighter if I can get my sister to take care of my dogs Saturday night and Sunday morning.

Okay, enough with the rambling...for now.

Monday, April 04, 2005

My house is furry with dust

But I'm still unmotivated to do anything about it. I hate housework when I get home from my job. Laundry and hubby take up the weekends, so the house pretty much stays dirty. This is the dustiest place I've ever lived in. I guess it's all the dog hair. Well, that and the laziness.

Work was uneventful, except when I got a wicked nosebleed - I thought my brains were gonna leak out, it went on so long. I got a new programming assignment. I think it will take 6 weeks, but my boss told the customer 2 weeks. I think that is wildly optimistic, but I have worked similar miracles in the past. I can usually count on the customer asking for another feature at the last minute - then I can blame any delay on "scope creep." I love scope creep.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Does anybody want a gmail invitation?

I just got 50 more.

A weekend with hubby at home

It was a pretty good weekend, I guess. We both woke up on the wrong side of the bed Saturday morning, but that was the only dark spot in an otherwise great weekend. I had the handyman in again, this time to get the fans installed, so now I finally have working fans and overhead lights in the bedrooms, study and living room. It's great - it was pretty dark and gloomy around here for a while. I didn't have to cook all weekend - we just got fast food. Gotta quit doing that...the only people in shape around here are the dogs.

There was much crying around here when hubby left. Our son is not handling this as well as we thought, apparently. He was really upset today. It tears me up to see him cry, so I was bawling right along with him. I don't know what we should do. I can't afford to quit this job any time soon, so even if we move, our son is going to be without one parent most of every week.